I was reading sk*rt my new must read. If you haven’t been there yet have a look it’s great and I saw a link to this article.
I just find this bizarre and not particularly the boy/girl thing seeing as the students involved are second years and are choosing their room mates. Although if I was a parent of one of the students involved I may feel differently and have this line form When Harry met Sally running round in my head. “Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.”
It’s the whole making you share rooms that I don’t get. Why are US colleges so keen on this? Admittedly I have all my knowledge form movies and TV but it seems room sharing is pretty standard practise in US colleges.
I would have hated sharing a room at University. Maybe it is the only child in me coming out but it took me a while to get used to sharing with T, in a do not move my stuff kind of way and I love him!
Sharing with a stranger – ahhhh. And what happens about privacy? I’m not just talking about having your boyfriend over but when you want to shut the door and be alone. And how do you decide on music/no music/the kind of music? And what if they snore? What if one is an early riser? I could go on and on.
I think I would have dropped out if I had had to share a room. Or my room mate might have killed me. As I have mentioned before I am a bit of an insomniac and I was even worse at University where I mainlined caffeine. How do people negotiate these issues?
So US readers please do share what life with a room mate is like and why do colleges think it’s a good idea?
18 Comments
May 5, 2008 at 4:59 pm
I had roomates my first 3 years of college – always had someone else sharing my room. It wasn’t until my 4th, and final year, that I had a room to myself. I actually liked having roomates – you always had someone around to talk with, to do something with, etc. I do remember one time, my freshman year, that I was down the hall in another friend’s room. I could hear my room phone ringing and knowing my roomate was expecting a call I ran into the room to get it. Yeah, and also walked in on my roomate with her boyfriend!
May 5, 2008 at 5:16 pm
I shared a room plus we shared a bathroom with a suite mate! I was lucky because we were all on the volleyball team together…so it just worked out!!!! I found out who my roommate was going to be BEFORE I even met her!!! We were both freshman so we had to BUY everything. Her favorite color was pink mine was blue! So our towels and rags didn’t get mixed up. I bought a microwave and she bought a small fridge! We were good to go!!! I didn’t mind it at all nor did she! It just worked out! We were in a all girls dorm. I wouldn’t have known what to do in a coed dorm…I think that would get a little LOUD and CRAZY beings I’m a little LOUD and CRAZY myself!!! HE HE
May 5, 2008 at 5:23 pm
I know what you mean, I had my own room in a campus apartment – it was tiny but I was so glad to have my own space. One of my flatmates had psychological problems and she was very difficult to live with, we tried to get her to talk to us or seek help but to no avail. If I had shared a room with her I probably would have dropped out, she was that bad. I had the best of both worlds – If I wanted company I could spend time in the livingroom with my other flatmates, but I’d spend time in my room if I wanted to be alone. University can be stressful enough without having to deal with a problem roommate!
May 5, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Julie – I just can’t imagine it but you make it sound like fun! Apart from the walking in occasion of course
Jeannie – Just sounds odd to me, I’m sure you were lot of fun to live with! It’s nice that you spoke before hand I guess that made it less scary.
Yvonne – Exactly the same as me, I wonder if there will be a big US/UK divide on this subject! One of my flat mates had psychological issues too and she used to bring squaddies back to our flat – so not good!
May 5, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Opps sorry Yvonne US/European divide. Whacking Ireland in as part of the Uk always endears me to T’s family
May 5, 2008 at 6:48 pm
“I think I would have dropped out if I had had to share a room.”
Hey, I did drop out because I had to share a room! Before the first semester was out I thought I was losing my mind. My parents wouldn’t let me move home, even though the university was in the same city. They cited traffic concerns and their desire that I have the “whole college experience.”
The second semester, I tried to skip town, I was so stressed. The engine light in my car came on before I got outside the loop and I came back.
The third semester I spent as much time as possible in my boyfriend’s room, but that wasn’t really a solution. And since my parents kept bleating that if I quit the dorms they would quit paying for college, I quit college and started working full time. After that, my parents claimed they had been planning to help me get an apartment, but isn’t it funny they didn’t mention that when I was going insane from the lack of privacy?
Bottom line is that I’m an introvert. I draw my energy from solitude; too much time around people wears me down. I loved my first-year collge roommate dearly, but I still wasn’t ALONE.
I suppose if I had grown up in an environment where I had to make my alone-space inside my own head, things would’ve been different. But I always had my own bedroom and could shut my door. Nothing in my youth had prepared me for being under 24/7 scrutiny and dorm life made me totally nutso, even though I liked my roommate and dormmates.
Oh, and here’s something amusing: one of the reasons my parents didn’t want me to get an apartment was because they thought I was safer in the dorm and I suspect they also thought there would be fewer opportunities for sex, drugs and alcohol. LOLOL! We had one girl attack her roommate with a hammer, there were drunken parties every weekend (and I was in the HONORS dorm!) and I knew several students who never went to class and lounged around all day, stoned. And sex? Well, let’s just say that nearly every room in the place turned co-ed on the weekend.
If my parents had had any clue what went on, they would’ve not only allowed me to move home, but they might’ve even recommmended a convent!
May 5, 2008 at 6:51 pm
This reminds me of a funny story. When I was training as a nurse we had to share a room. Then when we had to do night duty they tended to allocate single rooms. The girl that I had roomed with, then asked me to share again, and I reluctantly agreed (she smoked which I wasn’t too keen on) but we were turned down. It wasn’t until much that we learned this was because the house warden had thought we must be gay. We thought this was hilarious because one of the reasons for sharing was to let each other in after going out with our boyfriends (officially we has to be in by 11pm)!
May 5, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Some people did think that the roomie thing was fun – not me. I have NO idea why the people in charge think it is a good idea. I had a variety of roommates when I went to university. The last year of school I talked my boyfriend into getting married so we could room together. That worked out much better for me – we’re still married AND living together.
May 5, 2008 at 7:17 pm
I shared a room my first year of college after never having shared a room in my life. I think they do it to teach you how to get along with others, but it was awful. I always used to think I was the most unlucky person in the world because my roommate was so annoying, but recently, I began thinking about my first year of college and how gross and miserable I was, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that she was the unlucky one. That being said, I will totally make my kids have a roommate in college. Everyone needs at least one bad roommate story.
May 5, 2008 at 8:07 pm
It stinks! I think that colleges want to ‘help’ the students socialize.
As far as Weslyan, I’ve lived near it my entire life, and believe me it’s been going on for years anyway.
Maybe now it WILL be platonic?!
May 6, 2008 at 3:10 am
Bunnygirl – OMG what a horrible thing to have to go through, I completely sympathise. If you have grown up with space it’s hard to not have it any more. Some people can cope and some just can’t. Did you get to go back to Uni at a later date?
ChrisB – that is too funny!
Giveitatry – No me neither hard enough to be away from home without them making sure you have NO place to retreat to if things get rough.
Ieatbears – LOL I’m glad your going to inflict the pain on your kids. I’m with you if I went through something I’m making sure my kids go through it too!!! Maybe not ballet lessons though
Lisa – well at my Uni we didn’t need much help socialising
Interesting how we have a split of opinion on this – extroverts V introverts??
May 6, 2008 at 3:19 am
I for one never chose to live in dorms in college because there was no way in hell I could handle having a roommate for the reasons that you mentioned! I’d rather pay a little bit more and have an apartment…just work extra hard for some peace of mind. I had lots of friends who got paired up with roommates from hell and still tell horror stories about it, while at the same time many of them became really good friends. I’m just too much of a late night, weird music taste kind of person for a roommate :p
May 6, 2008 at 3:29 am
I shared my freshman and sophomore years. I didn’t mind the first year as we had an apartment, so we could leave our room and go into the living room for space. But, the 2nd? I was in the sorority house and there really wasn’t anywhere to go. The first semester my roommate went nuts and slept all day and stayed up all night. As I’m a early to bed, early to rise kind of person..this lasted one semester. My roommate 2nd semester was a bitch I couldn’t stand. That sucked, too. After that? I had my own room. I’m an introvert, too. I need quiet time.
May 6, 2008 at 6:58 pm
I had a roommate and we shared a bathroom with 2 other girls. my boyfriend’s (at the time) suite had 6 guys sharing a bathroom.
I think it is to save money.
May 6, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Chris – I think I would have had to do that!
AFF – See I would be your worst nightmare as a roommate! Very late to bed, although I do get up early too. Sleep who needs it!
Frannie – 6 men and a bathroom, recipe for disaster! Imagine cleaning it!
May 6, 2008 at 7:01 pm
I had a couple different rooming experiences in college: my freshman year I lived with a girl I didn’t get along with, my sophomore year I lived with a girl I really liked but didn’t know before we started living together, my junior year I had a single in a four-person on-campus apartment, and my senior year I shared a room with another girl (two, actually, since I eventually changed rooms) and a bathroom with three other girls in a ten-girl sorority house.
Having always had my own bedroom in my parents’ house, it was really good for me to have roommates in college. I think it really teaches you to compromise and take responsibility for yourself in a way that living alone or at home doesn’t. Honestly, I think US universities and colleges make people have roommates because it’s cost/space effective–they can admit more students if they double-up in rooms. It’s hard to live with people, but I think that people who are introverts or who insist they CANNOT live with somebody else are precisely the people who should for a while–it pushes you outside of your comfort zone, and you learn a lot about yourself and other people that way. There are indeed horrific living situations that are unendurable, but most of them are okay, and I think of it as a rite of passage for US teens, many of whom are used to privilege and easy living, to have to coexist with someone who might not be exactly like them and to learn from that experience.
What I mean to say is that I didn’t always like my roommates in college, but I got a lot out of the experience and I think it’s a positive part of the US collegiate experience. I honestly didn’t know it was different outside the states.
May 6, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Anna – oh yes us introverted Brits are horrified by the thought! We do live communally but all have are own rooms. I lived on a corridor my first year, shared bathroom and kitchen. Then in a flat my second and third year.
That taught me enough about compromise I think!
It’s the sleeping I couldn’t do, I need silence and I need it cold and not to dark – maybe a room mate would have got me out of this or maybe I would have killed them due to sleep deprivation!
May 6, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I’m an introvert myself, but I always wanted to go to University just for the dorm experience. I figure if I had roomed by myself I never would have met anyone. Not that I went to University in the end. Oh no, had to go and getr married and have kids.